Note: I am now waiting 7 months before posting my lucid dreams, which means I am approximately 40 lucid dreams behind.
April 10, 2014
It was like someone slipped me some G last night, because after about 2:30 I lay awake, and eventually began getting on and off the hypnagogic roller coaster. At least four times, I fell asleep consciously, and lay listening to my body breathing in and out as darkness and light swirled before me, coalescing into scenes, and then abruptly deleting them. At certain points, it was like someone was playing with an old TV remote control as I heard, and saw, vivid black and white dream scenes, which were suddenly cut off. I was poised on this bridge between waking and sleeping for hours, wondering if anyone I knew was suffering from insomnia tonight, because this is unusual for me. I shifted my body’s sleeping position occasionally, but immediately found myself on the hypnagogic bridge again.
Finally, I have somehow embedded myself in the darkness of hypnagogia, as though by force of will; I managed to roll off a bridge into a dream scene. I feel myself in a room, even though I can’t see anything in the absolute darkness. But that doesn’t matter, because I can distinctly feel my dream body slumped on a floor. I also glimpse the faint light of a woman’s blonde hair, and distinctly sense her presence. I say, “Tilly, is that you?” I don’t wait for a response; the important thing is to fully enter the dream. I urge her to “Pull me up by my hair” and telepathically assure her that she won’t hurt me. I can feel – even see from outside my body – my long hair stretching upward, like the stream of a comet, as I feel a tug and a pull on it, which helps lift my body out from under me. I reach for support, and find it in the form of a small wooden table I catch a glimpse of as I brace myself on it, and finish leveraging myself up into a standing position. I can see something now – my mother, who is standing nearby and watching me pull myself fully into the dream. Mami is definitely there, but I can also tell that only a “portion of her consciousness” is with me, as often happens in my lucid dreams.
I’ve made it into a dream, but I can still barely see the room as my body begins doing that mysterious counterclockwise, out of body spin where I drift a foot or two above the floor, gliding slowly across the small space. I think out loud—What is it with this spin…? I can see a woman standing just in front of Mami, and finding the floor again, I declare, “It’s dark, let’s make light!” I close and my eyes, shape my hands into fists, and then I quickly open my eyes again, intending to emanate a burst of illumination from my palms, but the room remains dark. Oh well, we can simply leave! I glide down a stairwell, sensing the woman following me, and immediately perceive bright daylight between the cracks of a door. “Daylight!” I exclaim. Easily shoving the door open with both hands, I fly outside, and then glide slowly, and just slightly above, a vividly colorful scene which. At first, I perceive the dream scape through one or more long rectangular openings, as though I’m inside a hovering vehicle of some kind, which is passing silently over a throng of people, mostly men. I remark to my silent companion, “This is like a video game” because the colors are almost too bright, and the men’s facial complexion are at once a little too vivid and slightly blurry, in an artistic way.
Then the rectangular windows are gone, and I’m flying a few feet above the broad (packed dirt?) street of a city that feels foreign, modern but in a Third World kind of way. Suddenly, a woman’s arms slip around me, and I happily reciprocate, feeling the slenderness of her waist and enjoying the sensation of holding a woman in my arms instead of a man. I’m thinking it must be Tilly and I say, “Tilly?” We’re gliding smoothly above the street, and when she doesn’t reply, I draw back a little to look at her. At once I think—This can’t be Tilly.
She’s looking straight ahead, her dark eyes fixed on her goal as she speaks urgently, but also calmly and clearly, informing me that where she lives is under threat. I’m distracted from her words by how disturbingly thin she is, very much like a skeleton draped in colorful clothing. I focus on the tooth pressed against the bottom center of her chin… Something isn’t right. Her jaw bone is almost visible through her dry, desiccated skin, and I suffer the impression that I’m holding on to a dead woman who is still wearing her ritual burial clothing and adornments… that one tooth of hers does seem to be deliberately strapped to her head with a very thin cord. She says, “I live under threat by…” as she carries me somewhere, obviously feeling I can help, but I don’t really want to go with her. I break gently away from her, and fly off on my own. Selfish of me? But I don’t feel I can handle whatever that was all about right now.
Studying the city below me, I experience a strong impression that I’m in Pakistan, or somewhere in those environs. I alight on a sidewalk of sorts, and as men in brownish robes and turbans pass by without taking any notice of me, I abruptly remember my lunar healing pool intent. I remembered! Immediately – in the distance across a flat expanse of what might be sand – I see a white cathedral, its softly rounded central dome flanked by two shorter rectangular wings. The perfect place to find my pool of power! I close my eyes and will myself there. The technique works – when I open my eyes again, I am just outside the temple grounds, in which I see at least two stone fountains. These fountains appear designed to reflect natural rivers and creeks, for their water flowing down, and over, stone walls instead spraying in frothy jets into the air. I promptly attempt to fly to the fountains, but discover an invisible wall before me. I realize I’m trying to fly Superman-style. Pressing my arms to my sides, I try the dolphin kick method instead. Nothing happens; the invisible barrier is still there blocking my progress. I attempt willing myself to the fountains, but that doesn’t work either. I refuse to be deterred when I’m so close! I have a specific healing intent in mind, a very ambitious one. Damn it, I’m getting to those fountains! I turn and begin backstroking through the air. It’s slow going, but I’ll get their eventually. At last, I arrive at the fountains, and stand beside the one closest to me as I consider my options. The fountain is not very big, and the water looks rather shallow where it flows, a little too sedately, over sandstone openings and rocks. The fountain pool just beyond it, and slightly to my left, looks deeper, and the water flows in a slightly more lively fashion over more natural-looking stones. I decide it seems more promising, even though I’m not really sure how I can use it for my particular intent, which is to heal my periodontal condition, regenerating both gum and bone loss. As I move toward this second pool, I lose the dream.
It seems quite significant that I felt as though I could see the woman’s jaw bone, and that she had a tooth strapped to her head, since the healing intent I have been incubating for a while now relates to my mouth, and my jaw bone specifically, to the bone loss there. Once you have periodontal disease, you can take measures to keep it under control, but you always “live under threat” of the bacteria that causes it, and if gum and bone loss have already occurred, it’s a day-to-day struggle to keep away the microscopic invaders. I have really strong teeth, I’ve never had a cavity – the tooth the skeletal woman wore was white, and looked to be in good condition. In which case, I have to wonder why she looked like a well preserved mummy. I distinctly remember the color red in her tunic, maybe even a feather or two adorning her, as though she had been ritually buried. There was something distinctly Shamanic about her appearance, and she was carrying me somewhere I didn’t feel I wanted to go.
I usually don’t run away like that in a lucid dream. I think part of me is not one-hundred percent sure this healing intent is realistic and possible, precisely because it seems a flagrant defiance of the natural order of things, which of course culminates in physical death. I think the mummy-woman was, in some sense, my own conflicted soul, torn between the rightness of embracing my mortality, and a stubborn, selfish desire to get my Spirit to help my dreaming mind heal myself of this non-life threatening condition.
In life everything is a process. I know now, months later, that this dream also revealed how my soul wanted to get away from the currently popular Shamanic New Age approach to life and dream powers, and instead to fully embrace my not-so-politically-correct-these-days Christian faith in a loving Creator – no magic, no spells, no drug-induced rituals needed, simply “Ask and you shall receive.” I feel now that the fountains in my dream contained baptismal waters, shallow and not very strong at the time of the dream but soon to overflow. In this dream, my soul turned away from a selfish, and unnecessary, healing intent, which was threatening to lead me down the wrong path. In this dream, I made a choice, which bore glorious spiritual fruit less than a month later.
At the time i had this dream, I was in danger of believing that I alone was capable of doing whatever I truly believed was possible in lucid dreams, that it was only a matter of formulating the right intent and carrying it out. I abandoned the skeletal woman with the tooth necklace, and was rewarded by a church surrounded by fountains – the fountains of God’s love, the source of all life, without which I have no power to do anything, to be anything, at all. The few times I have succeeded in healing myself and a loved one in lucid dreams, the need was pressing. In the case of wanting to heal my periodontal disease, it was only because I was annoyed by all the flossing and irrigating. It wasn’t because I truly needed to try and heal myself to be healthy and happy, it was because I wanted to prove it was possible to heal bone loss in a lucid dream – I wanted to prove that there are no limits to lucid dream healing powers. So why not arrest, and reverse, the aging process as well…? I was crossing a spiritually dangerous line believing I could, just because I could lucid dream, acquire and develop God-like powers, as if this bag-of-bones, and the finite brain inside my skull, could possibly be ready for such a responsibility. I was seeking to preserve my self, wrapped up in my dream powers with which I was in danger of arrogantly attempting to mummifying my self, this one ego, this one little life time, to the horror of my soul – my dream self in the arms of that Shamanic skeleton who escaped her, and flew straight to the church that appeared and the Spirit’s life-giving waters.