Loving a Black Dragon

March 15, 2012
I’m inside a one-story building that feels rather like a shop. Two or three men are talking about the man outside who has brought them something, laughing; they intend to lure him inside and kill him. I don’t want to be there and head to a back door that looks out on the city sidewalk. I see the man they refer to, in full Nord warrior Skyrim attire, waiting for them just outside the main entrance, directly to my left. I sneak out but when he strides in my direction I sneak back in and stand in a corner, willing myself invisible.

I end up outside on the streets when suddenly I hear the roar of an approaching dragon and feel the world vibrate around me, the way the XBOX controller does when a dragon begins its attack. I head back toward the building I just left because I don’t have any weapons on me. I can hear the dragon snuffling after me, stalking me, and I can’t walk fast enough; I move forward at a painfully slow rate as though gravity is ten times thicker here. It’s frustrating and frightening because I can hear and feel the dragon gaining on me, it’s just behind me! Somehow I make it to the main entrance just in time, a glass door I close but then quickly open again to let my dogie inside. I can see the dragon now, slinking along the ground, entirely black and determined to get me. I think I’m safe as I head down the corridor, until I hear the door open and realize it’s followed me inside! I had no idea dragons could do that!

I hurry to the rear of the building and run back outside and along the sidewalks, looking for a doorway, some place to stand with my bow and arrow. I’m relieved to see a handful of citizens are also equipped with bows they use against the dragon, which I desperately search for in the sky, but I can’t spot it even though I can hear it getting closer and closer, that roaring-snuffling that’s so unnerving. I’m amazed because I had no idea this could happen in the game, that dragons could behave this way, and even the setting is different, a modern city. The dragon isn’t in the sky, it’s still on the ground, and heading straight toward me! I let fly a few arrows, but most of them fall short and I can’t back away fast enough. It’s getting closer and closer, it’s absolutely huge, and a sword won’t work against it and I see no way of escaping it! Desperately, I hold up the controller and press the button for my Unrelenting Force Shout, but by the time it goes off, the controller is in the dragon’s mouth and the shout goes off inside it. I dare to hope that might hurt it, but it doesn’t.

The black dragon’s massive head and jaw are right in front of me now and it’s speaking to me in that deep, rumbling, barely intelligible way some Skyrim dragons do, taunting me. I drop my arms to my sides and lower my head, surrendering to the inevitable. I stand there waiting for it to grab me in its jaws and devour me, thinking that I’ll simply reload to an earlier save in the game. Nevertheless, the sinking sensation, what I feel as I surrender to the gruesome inevitable, is not pleasant. And yet the dragon bides it’s time, playing with me. It says something about how I should caress it’s snout, nuzzle up against it, if I dare, and I’m compelled to obey it even though it’s terrifying. I caress it’s black snout, waiting for it to snap my hand off, but it’s seems to be relishing tormenting me. And then something nearly impossible to put into words happens… I dare to enjoy the sensation of snuggling up to it’s ferocious snout and the velvety warm feel of its skin. I still expect it to consume me any second now, and yet… I begin to understand what it’s telling me… he’s really a man who was transformed into this fierce creature and he’s not the only one, all dragons like him are truly noble men forced to endure nothing but the cold hard sensation of scales, to know nothing else until someone releases them from this enchantment. There’s a crowd of people gathered around me and the dragon, which I now have absolutely no desire to let go of. How to describe the deep, warm contentment, the profound love I felt for this fierce black and deadly creature? I think about asking someone if it’s safe to let my naked sex come into contact with its slightly rough skin, but it’s a mute point because I’m already straddling the upper part of the dragon’s back as it slowly takes off. I ask it if I can grab it by the scruff of the neck and it says I can, but instead I lean forward and wrap my arms around its powerful neck. It says something, almost humorously, about watching out for its bandage, as we rise higher into the sky. I’m riding a dragon and its wonderful! I can still feel its body between my bare legs and the wonder of realizing it wants me there on its back, that its power was designed to hold me and that it needs me as much as I want to be with it.

I look around me at the buildings, streets and people as a beautiful music sung by a woman’s almost too lovely voice fills the world. The whole city is rejoicing at the sight of me riding the dragon, which means we’re all saved, and more. This is an event of joyous, transcendent proportions. I observe that the game is beginning to feel more like a cartoon as the sky turns pink and flowers flow in garlands around me. Then I’m hovering over a large bed in a large chamber. The bed is surrounded by a rejoicing crowd and and the dragon and I are sitting up beneath white sheets and a blue coverlet. Then the dragon takes the form of the little boy the enchanted man once was. I see him standing on the right side of the bed, ankle-length curling golden hair framing him, hair that is also an intricately gilded cloak or shell of sorts. He’s glimmering with magic and framed rather like statues of the Virgin Mary inside a shell, but I clearly distinguish his little boy’s freckled face in the midst of all this blue-and-gold splendor. In the foreground, right in front of my disembodied awareness, there’s a toy-sized cage in which an evil force is trapped in the form of a crab-like creature. I ask my betrothed if we can take it with us to remind us of our childhood.

I sent this dream to my family and then this response to their collective comments: Yes, the dream is extremely allegorical. Nothing turns the dragon into anything. The dragon is darkness, death, destruction, all things that appear bad but really aren’t because they’re part of the magical process of incarnation and, as such, a part of God, and not realizing that is what makes them seem dangerous and evil. The fact that all dragons are really men means we all have the power to dispel our worst fears because God lives inside us. The crab relates to the moon (the sign of Cancer) and the moon is allied to our physical bodies, which absorb Divine energy or light but are nothing without it. The cage, as a toy, is the limits of mortal life, which is a school, in a way. And so on and so forth!

I feel deeply honored to have had this dream, the rich, archetypal imagery of which, especially toward the end, seems expressive of an important milestone in my spiritual growth.

Comments and Questions Welcome